I knew she was trouble

"I knew she was trouble the second she walked into my 24-hour deli, laundromat, and detective agency, and after dropping a load of unmentionables in one of the heavy-duty machines (a mistake that would soon turn deadly) she turned to me, asking for two things: find her missing husband and make her a salami on rye with spicy mustard, breaking into tears when I told her I couldn't help—I was fresh out of salami."

[Winner of this year's competition to write an atrocious opening sentence to the worst novel never written]

Comments

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart (Marcus Aurelius)

R.I.P. Peter Joyce

What connection can there have been between many people in the innumerable histories of this world, who, from opposite sides of great gulfs, have, nevertheless, been very curiously brought together! Charles Dickens (in Bleak House )

The female body is a work of art (Elaine Benes)

The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like an all-terrain vehicle. Elaine Benes.

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