The Purdzilla Show

Donna and Bogdan kiss outside the car, they kiss in the hallway, they kiss by Elizabeth and Stephen's front door. Bogdan is unused to public displays of affection. What if somebody sees? Also, he has a bag full of food that needs to go in the fridge. Richard Osman (in The Bullet That Missed )

There was tea and coffee in one of the cupboards and I poked my head back round and Elizabeth and Poppy stopped their conversation, and I asked Poppy if she wanted milk and sugar and she said could she have a cardamom and lychee infusion and I nodded as if this was quite normal, which I understand it is these days, and ducked back into the kitchen. Goodness me, that was a long sentence to write. In a book they would tell me to put a full stop in there somewhere. After 'infusion'? Richard Osman (an extract from Joyce's diary in The Man Who Died Twice )

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash Elizabeth walks out into the cold evening air, not turning back now. The skies are getting darker earlier and the scarves are coming out of the wardrobes. Summer is still keeping a lid on autumn, but it won't be long. How many more autumns for Elizabeth? How many more years of slipping on a pair of comfortable boots and walking through the leaves? One day, spring will come without her. The daffodils will always keep coming up by the lake, but you won't always be there to see them. So it goes; enjoy them while you can. Richard Osman (in The Thursday Murder Club )

Chris has been to retirement communities before and this is not what he was expecting. This is a whole village...He follows a meandering path through a perfect English garden, flanked by three storeys of flats. There are people gossiping on patios and balconies, enjoying the sunshine. Friends sit on benches, bees buzz around bushes, light breezes play tunes with ice cubes. Chris finds the whole thing deeply infuriating. He's a wind-and-rain guy, a turn-up-the-collar-on-your-overcoat man. If Chris had his way he would hibernate for the summer. He has not worn shorts since 1987. Richard Osman (in The Thursday Murder Club )